The loss of a baby
A parents grief following the loss of a baby must never be underestimated, nor given a timetable. The feelings experienced can be overwhelming and some of those feeling can often be unexpected.
When a baby dies, memories to share and bring comfort are not present as when someone older passes away. A precious, loved and longed for life has been lost. Parents are now faced with a lifetime of grief for all of the should be’s and the life with the child they had so passionately planned for and dreamed of.
The grief can often feel incredibly lonely as it is so difficult to explain to others who have not experienced the loss of a child, the continued life changing impact this tiny life lost has had on you as parents.
Coming home from the hospital with empty arms, and empty nursery and a silent house is one of the hardest things that any parent can endure. Instead of all the happiness a new life brings, bereaved parents have to begin planning a most heartbreaking funeral. This still takes place no matter what trimester a mother is in, whether it is an early loss or full term loss. The world around them continues to run normally, however parents can often feel in a state of loss and confusion for a long time as they try to come to terms with the fact that the life they had dreamed of has been so cruelly taken from them.
Some pieces of the life they had lived may no longer fit and have now added additional grieving not only for the child they loss but for the parts of them that have died along with all the hurt and pain from losing their child.
Grief can come in all different ways, there is no right or wrong. Some feelings are as follows:
Fear that one may not be understood or that the loss of the baby may be forgotten over time is extremely overwhelming. People have good intentions to let mothers and families of loss know that they can “try again” or “time will heal all wounds” but this is not what is wanted to hear as a lost of a baby can never ever be replaced.
Time does go by and there are moments of calm but peace is something so hard to achieve after the loss of a child. No matter how many years pass, anniversaries, birthdays, mothers days, fathers days, Christmas etc all are reminders of very emotional times to pass as families are aware that their child is missing.
Mothers and families do not heal back to the norm of the days before the loss however they do learn to live with the pain and grief of their loss. This new sense of everyday life accepts and acknowledges that they will forever grieve for their baby. All the emotions become a little easier to live with.
For those mothers and families that have experienced a loss, we know you will find it hard to imagine how things can possibly get easier. We did as well and still to this day have hard days. We are all different and there is no right or wrong way to grieve or move forward. Future happiness is possible with the right support system, patience and understanding. This is what You Will Be In My Heart is setting out to accomplish in all communities in the greater Toronto area and in Ontario and in Canada and furthermore in the world. We are here to help one another in this life long journey, one step at a time, one day at time, today, tomorrow and always!